


Approach

by CaptainRoyalty



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Basically Lance has depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-16 07:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainRoyalty/pseuds/CaptainRoyalty
Summary: Lance has been feeling differently. Voltron isn't so much exciting these days as it is a day to day knot of anxiety in his stomach. Space is starting to seem less vast and interesting but more suffocating and terrifyingly unknown. The guilt and pain moved in after the feeling of adventure wore off. Lance isn't even sure if he belongs anymore, but can't afford to give up- for the team, for his family, for Keith.But not giving up is exhausting and sometimes hurts more than the guilt.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the absolutely terrible summary. It went through about ten re-writes and I still don't like it. I'm still pretty new to the AO3 format since I'm an old person who came over from FF.
> 
> This takes place right before and right after The Blade of Marmora. First chapter is more of a prologue and the next chapter will be the official unofficial first chapter.

Things were quiet aboard the ship for once. It was a rare occurence for those in the vessel to experience several peaceful nights in a row, but it was certainly welcome. Things, although quiet now, had been hectic non-stop for the past few weeks. If it wasn't out running the enemy or racing to the next hiding spot, it was planning the next move in the middle of a mine field. If it wasn't dodging fire from a seemingly endless amount of ships, it was grueling, relentless training. There was always something that needed to be done and even if there wasn't a present task at hand, there were plenty of jobs one could busy themselves doing. 

Which was the very reason Lance enjoyed these quiet, restful nights as much as he did. When the halls of the ship were silent and the dark skies outside twinkled only with starlight and not bursts of flames, it was finally easier to take a deep breath that didn't halt in his throat. He knew it wouldn't last long -- even he was aware that the Galra were probably only a step and a half behind -- but he chose not to worry about it for the time being. Or at least try not to worry. Some part of him was still vaguely afraid the window his back was pressed to would suddenly erupt into a seering heat from the fire of an enemy ship and the room would be lit by the light of alarms. That pulsating red was practically sealed into the world behind his eyelids and every pause in his breath was a brace for when it finally happened. 

Instead of the red of an alarm, he got a face full of red from a jacket and a nose full of Keith.

"You wanna stare a little harder, Lance?" Suddenly brought back out of his head, Lance pulled Keith's jacket off of his face and realized his eyes had been locked onto the other's half naked form as he was trying to change into pajamas. Keith looked half annoyed, but the other half amused, which gave Lance the okay to poke a little fun. 

"You expect me not to? Can't help it, gotta appreciate art." 

"Shut up, you're such an idiot." Even though Lance had laid down on Keith's bed and even though he'd, politely, averted his gaze towards the ceiling to let the other change, he could hear the hint of a laugh in his insults. Lance had grown accustomed to spotting the difference between real and fake offense in Keith's voice over the past few months. There was no venom behind his words, just an equal amount of playfullness. 

"So, you come here often or just to see me?" Keith sighed as he settled into bed next to Lance. Though, once again, he swore he could hear the hint of a laugh. 

"You're in _my_ room. I think I can count the number of times I've slept in your bed on one hand." Keith rested his head atop Lance's shoulder with his hair brushing against the tan skin of his jaw and his temple pressed on the round. Lance could feel the warmth of Keith's breath run over the top of his collar and nestle underneath the hem of his shirt, almost like he was keeping it against his chest. Wrapping an arm around Keith's shoulders, Lance folded him in closer to his body, feeling as though he could fall asleep instantly tucked in like this. Keith was safely tucked against him and it was like his arm was all the shield he would need through the night. However, his light doze was gently broken when Keith spoke into his neck and roused him back. "...Are you sure you're... okay with this?" 

Lance knew what "this" meant without having to ask. "This" wasn't a said thing and there was no blue ribbon label on it. They weren't each other's public anything other than comrades and the occasional friends. "This" -- being sleeping in the same bed and holding hands when no one was looking and stealing too short kisses in hallways -- didn't have a name and didn't have public knowledge. But that was okay. He didn't need to have a label to share a bed with Keith and talk until both of their eyes were too heavy to keep open. He didn't need to call him his "boyfriend" to kiss him until he got dizzy from forgetting to breathe. Keith was like Lance's secret. The way his hair smelled, the way his eye lashes fluttered when he slept, how gentle the touch of Keith's hands on his face was, how his back felt pressed against Lance's chest- all of it was his own private escape and paradise. 

"What, you mean your hair going straight up into my nostrils? Because I think I'm kind'a immune to it now-" 

Lance smiled when he heard a genuine laugh from Keith. He hadn't heard it in days. He actually hadn't heard Keith _talk_ this much in days. 

"No, dummy, I mean not telling anyone." 

"I know, it's just funny to get you worked up." Lance ran a slow hand through Keith's hair and let the other snuggle in closer with an arm around his middle and a knee bumping his thigh. "I don't care. Why tell them? None of their business and there's like, zero privacy here. Besides, we'd have to get into how we went from wringing each other's necks to you breathing all up in mine in the middle of the night. Can you imagine if Allura- or _Coran_ knew? 'Well, you two are young and there are some things you ought to know about courtship and budding feelings of-'" 

"Okay, okay, I get it! Sheesh, do you ever shut your mouth for five minutes?" That laugh again, the laugh that poured a bit of warm honey in a cold wound. "But, you're sure? You promise?" 

"I sure promise and I promise I'm sure." 

Lance truly didn't mind much that the others didn't know. It did, sort of a little kind of suck that he wasn't able to tell Hunk and Pidge about this. He'd love to tell them all the funny things Keith said or the different stories he had about him. What guy _didn't_ want to share stories of his boy- well, romantic interest? He would have loved to tell them how it made those feelings of doom and anxiety quiet, even for just a little while. Or how he didn't feel so empty when Keith was around. That pit that he'd been feeling more and more frequently took up less occupancy in his stomach when Keith was with him. Even if Keith had been a little... distant lately.

He could tell something was bothering him, but was too afraid to prod him about it. Even like this, Lance knew Keith was a rather private person and didn't like to share the deeper stuff all that much. He'd asked a few times if there was anything bothering him only to get a short, almost curt, answer that everything was fine and to stop worrying. 

Lance was great at feigning like he wasn't worried, but it didn't really stop until Keith acted like himself again around him. He trusted Keith, he just didn't trust himself enough to believe he hadn't done something wrong. 

But, Lance figured he'd made Keith laugh more than a few times that night and they'd had a pretty nice conversation before going to bed. Not to mention, Keith was now falling asleep clinging to his side, so things couldn't be too terrible. Things were pretty alright. He just hoped they'd stick like that.


	2. Chapter 1

Being a part of Voltron had undoubtedly changed Lance's life in more ways than he could have ever expected. Everyone had their "hero fantasies", but his were never as grandiose as the _reality_   he was living in. While he was in the academy, he'd had dreams of manning his own ship and being a captain of his own small crew, but could never realistically picture himself as going much further. Of course he had the day dreams of being a commander or the head of the whole fleet, but he knew those were silly, childish wishes. Lance knew his place in the world- or at least thought he did. Even now, he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that he was part of something so... legendary. Some part of Lance was still in denial about it. He would catch himself thinking that someone in the cosmos had made some sort of mistake or maybe it wasn't actually him who was supposed to find Blue, but just dumb luck. 

Of course, Shiro was never too far behind his thoughts and would assure Lance that he was necessary. He was a part of something bigger and the rest of the team needed him as much as Lance needed them. There were no mistakes, no dumb luck, and no reason for Lance to doubt himself. He was exactly where he belonged and where the universe needed him to be.  

At least, that's what Shiro had told him. Lance was still trying to convince himself that it was the truth. He guessed it was probably harder to grasp since the gravity of it was so immense. How would you go about convincing yourself that the fate of the universe rested, in part, on your shoulders? Even though they'd been at this for months he supposed it would just have to take it's time to fully set in. Lance just wished he was as confident in his role as Shiro was. Or anyone else for that matter. He figured he was just being too sensitive. It seemed so natural for everybody else on the team. 

Though, he reminded himself of all the good things that Voltron had brought to him. For starters, he was able to become a pilot far beyond what he'd ever hoped for and had come to pilot a vessel that, apparently, only a select few could. He was able to have both of his best friends with him and he was sure this was somehow making them stronger together. He was finally able to get closer to Shiro, who -- only months ago -- had been his idol and nothing more. He'd made friends with Allura and Coran. He was going places in the universe that weren't even charted on human maps and meeting walks of life that hadn't occurred to the scientific community on earth. And, secretly best of all, this had brought him to Keith.  

All these good things, all these great blessings that were fantasies and wishes to most... and he still felt pained. That feeling of a boring emptiness, the pits that formed in his stomach and roosted for days at a time, the deep ache that took his breath away sometimes- all of it was still there. It'd been there on earth, it was here now. It was like a shadow he thought had gone away, but realized only vanished temporarily when the sun went down. There were times he wished, horribly selfishly wished, he could pass his job onto someone else for the day so he could stay in bed. Or the self centered day dreams of going back home and hiding his face in the comfort of his own home.Those were the thoughts he hated the most and the thoughts he punished himself the most over. 

All the reasons he should be happen were a constant swirl in his head. He had reasons to be afraid, reasons to be angry, and reasons to be upset for the victims of the Galra, but now was not the time for his own stupid melodrama. 

Lance was suddenly aware there were eyes on him and there were faces looking at him like they wanted a response. Snapping himself back to reality and out of the deep thought he'd tossed himself into he tried to remember any bits of the conversation and came up blank. Floundering, Lance looked down at the table and ran a hand through his hair, "Sorry, I was spaced out. What did you ask me? 

"Lance, this is important. I just wanted to make sure you were still with us." Shiro had a way of keeping his face looking both upset and calm, always leaving Lance guessing what he was feeling. Usually, he tried to joke to lighten the mood, but knew that right now was not the time. "Please try to stay focused." 

"Right, sorry. I'm listening. We were trying to figure out a way around the black holes right? Into Marmora HQ?" Lance looked up at the map on projection and felt the twinges of knots in his stomach. Given the currents and pulls of both black holes there was no margin for error and a narrow path to be traversed. One would have to be a superb pilot to stay on path and reach the base with little damage and that was without accounting for space debris. "Yikes." 

"Yikes is right," Coran spoke up from the head of the table and pointed to what Lance knew. It was dangerous and a misstep meant something worse than death. He knew the science behind black holes from the academy, but he'd also heard horror stories from pilots who came back and had seen someone go flying into one. The thought they were still alive but stuck in a place so bent was enough to make his stomach hurt. "There's a small pathway, but it's extremely tricky to navigate. I'm not even quite sure if they'll open the landing docks for us. We aren't here on invitation after all." 

"I'll go." Keith spoke up from his own seat at the table and his voice carried a certain tone that sounded dark. His face was serious, but also scared, carrying a look that said he didn't want to go, but needed to. Lance thought he could feel Keith's heart hammering from across the table but realized it was his own drumming away in his chest and plugging his ears. "If I'm careful I can navigate to it. I should be fine." 

Lance looked at Keith incredulously and felt the pit in his stomach twist. He couldn't possibly be serious. Lance was still having a hard time believing he had just heard Keith offer to go. Keith was smart, he knew danger and he knew how to keep himself safe. This was the equivalent of throwing himself in its path. He had barely even hesitated before saying he'd go but sounded so... determined. Like he'd decided days ago this was what he was going to- what he _needed_  to do. 

Lance knew Keith was a great pilot, better than him for sure, but there was such a narrow area of success he couldn't help but panic. Going out onto that path was a near death sentence. But he also knew from the the tone in Keith's voice and from what had been bothering him for days, that Keith's mind was most likely made up. 

 Before Coran could even finish saying that someone should go with Keith, Lance was up and out of his seat already walking towards his uniform. "I'll go too." 

If Keith was going to venture out into possibly one of the most dangerous situations he'd ever seen, then Lance felt a lot safer at least going with him.  

However, before Lance could even reach the door that led to his blue suit, Allura's voice cut through the air and halted him in place.  

"No, Lance, now is not the time to be joking around or playing hero." He was faced away from the princess, but didn't need to see her face to know that she was stone serious. The tone in her voice had said enough and what she had said stung. "I would rather send Shiro." 

Lance thought about arguing for a moment and demanding to go, but knew that they didn't have the time to argue and he wouldn't have won anyway. It would have just turned into an awkward spotlight with the question of "Why do you want to go with Keith so horribly?" Lance knew he didn't belong out there and knew that Allura was probably right. This wasn't play time or pretend time. He probably would have just hurt the situation.  

So instead, he played it off and disregarded his worry. He tried to shove the nauseous panic in his stomach away and tried not to stress about why Keith neededto go and why he volunteered in the first place. Maybe it was just the fact he was a capable pilot and felt he needed to go to save everyone else. Maybe Keith felt safest and had some secret trick to navigating the field. 

Lance figured he was just being stupid and paranoid. He was sure Keith would come back just fine with good news and tell him all about in the privacy of his room. There was absolutely no reason for Lance to feel hurt. If anything, he felt selfish for wanting to go in the first place. Didn't he trust Keith enough to take care of himself? Did Lance really think he was a better pilot than him, or Shiro for that matter? It would have just been more dangerous for everyone if he were the one to have gone. He knew his place, now wasn't the time to play around and go for the sake of pathetically protecting Keith. He would have just gotten in the way. 

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll stay here and help with communications if we need to. I'm great at smooth talking, right?" Even though he was speaking to Allura, his eyes couldn't leave Keith who was already preparing to go into the hangar with Shiro at his side.  

For a moment, their gazes locked and time stood still for a few seconds. Lance couldn't exactly go running into his arms and plant on one him with everyone around, so instead, he kissed him goodbye with his eyes and told him to be safe with a smile. He knew he had no business being so worried, but there was that icy hot fear that had its roots plunged into his heart. His chest felt tight and suddenly he could feel the sting of tears beginning to turn his eyes glassy. He looked away from Keith and rubbed at a corner, pretending it was an itch or an eyelash. Allura had turned her attention to Coran and was helping the others map out the best flight pattern. Lance didn't even want to hear how narrow of a margin it was, but knew he'd probably find out once they took off. 

He sighed and rubbed at his eye again with the cuff of his jacket, expecting to see the blank space where Keith had been standing only moments earlier. But Keith hadn't moved and his eyes hadn't left Lance. For a second, their looks matched one another and Lance felt like bursting into sobs where he stood.  

Before the meltdown of fear could come, Keith tossed his head to one side while glancing to the table; a silent signal to follow him while everyone else's attention was turned away. Throwing one last look over his shoulder, Lance took Keith's lead into an empty side room and slid the door shut behind him. His cheeks were already flaming red with embarrassment and his mind was already thinking of lies to cover up the fact he was ready to cry from anxiety. 

Before he could say anything, Keith had wrapped his arms around Lance's neck and pressed their lips together. Startled at first, but then relaxing into the much needed affection, Lance held the other close and wound his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. Lance was sure that Keith could feel the slight tremble in his arms and was positive that his heartbeat was hammering against Keith's chest, but felt the embarrassment start to melt away. Lance broke the kiss first and pressed his forehead to the other's, not wanting to let go yet but knowing he had to relinquish him since. It felt like he was offering Keith up from the safety of his arms into the knowing slaughter of dangerous waters. As if maybe if he were to hold on just a little tighter and a little longer, Keith could somehow soak up some protection. Maybe things would be different if he could to some unknown force that he cared about the boy in his arms and it would take pity by returning him unharmed.  

"I'll be fine." It didn't take a psychic to translate what Lance was feeling given the practical death grip he had Keith in and the persistent tremble now moving through his whole body. "I'll be back before you know it. You trust me, right?" 

"Yeah... yeah, I trust you. I'm sorry. I don't know what's got me so... I dunno... paranoid, I guess." 

"Don't be sorry. And besides, it's kind of sweet that you're so concerned about me. But I'm sure it's nothing to cry about. Coran and Allura are probably making it sound way worse than it actually is. Worst you can expect is a few bumps." 

It would have been nice to fully believe Keith and trust that it wasn't anything to worry about, but something about sending him off in between two black holes didn't feel like nothing. Especially if he couldn't be there to magically somehow fix the situation. But, Keith was right, he had to just trust him. There wasn't really much else he could do in his situation. 

Even still, he kissed Keith one last time with a soft moan of worry before murmuring against his lips," If you die I'll kill you." 

"I'll haunt you forever." Keith smiled and kissed the tip of Lance's nose before heading back towards the door. Lance savored the last bits of warmth he left behind and tried to keep the feeling of Keith's hair between his fingers for as long as possible. He couldn't read Keith's body language, but he hoped that Keith was actually feeling more confident than he was. He had to be. Lance knew he was more of the sensitive one and the one who freaked out over small things. 

"Hey, do me a favor while I'm gone?" 

"Preemptively carry about your final wishes and take your leather jacket?" 

"Add 'go to a real haunted house' to the 'list'. I want to see you scream like a girl when you think you see a ghost." 

Lance laughed softly as Keith disappeared back behind the wall and took a moment to gather his thoughts again. The "list" Keith was speaking of was something they had started back before... whatever they had between them, had started. It was a list of all the things they were going to do once they got back to Earth. It was now multiple pages in length, crinkled from all unfolding and folding it went through, practically annotated, and covered in comments from either one of them. Funny enough, it had unofficially started when they'd gotten stuck in the elevator together when the power had gone out. Keith had said he'd rather have been going swimming in an outdoor pool with sunlight and Lance had added on that he'd wanted to go to the beach, an Earth beach. That night, after climbing up the elevator shaft together and sharing some rare good words with one another, Lance had scribbled down both "go to a pool" and "go to the beach" on a piece of paper and labeled it "Back to Earth Must Do List", to which Keith still heavily criticized the name but neither wanted to change it. 

It had started as things either one of them wanted to do when they, eventually, returned to Earth that just happened to be on the same sheet of paper. But, as they got closer, it had slowly started becoming things they wanted to do together. 

Lance smiled to himself as he unfolded the latest page and remembered how endearing it was when Keith had first suggested they do something together. It was so out of character for him and his cheeks had been so red while he had tried to play it off as no big deal. He hadn't even looked Lance in the eyes and had pretended to be suddenly fascinated by his own fingernails. 

_'I mean, it wouldn't be horrible to catch up on all the movies we missed. If you even like movies.'_

Keith's face had turned an even brighter shade of red when Lance followed up asking if that was Keith's way of asking him out. He'd also gotten several insults hurled at him and an intense amount of denial, but it had ended up on the list anyway. Right next to a drawing Keith had done of Lance's face with his tongue sticking out and his eyes crossed. 

Feeling a little more at ease, Lance uncapped a small pen he carried in his jacket and wrote down "Go to a Haunted House" with an arrow pointing to the line saying "Possibly hear Lance scream". 

The ship was quiet again, but not the same quiet it had been the night before. This more of a quiet before the storm. The kind of silence where he felt the need to hold his breath in fear a loud noise was just around the corner. That omniscient feeling something was coming at him fast, but he didn't know from how far way and with no clue if he could stop it or not. He didn't know what to call it other than "impending doom" but giving something so unknown such a harsh name made it all too real. It was better off as being a monster in the closet. At least until Keith got back. 

"If you end up in a black hole, I swear I'm throwing fishing line in after you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still technically yesterday so technically I kept my promise to myself and uploaded on time. It's my own fault, I put off doing fifty pages of reading for my geo class. I'm just off to a roaring good start.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try my absolute hardest to ditch my old ways of updating and try to post every week. Let's see how that goes.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
